Train was shuttling towards Nottingham and beautiful autumn english country side was passing by. Immaculately dressed english gentlemen and women immersed in their papyrus world and some of them did bother to look up briefly. I laughed thinking about my thoughts behind the thoughts. Questions that have arised when i was twelve years old, when i didn't know what future held for me, didn't know when my family will have enough money to guarantee three square meals, didn't know if going to college will remain a dream or i could make it. 20 years gone, square meals guaranteed, finished my college, chasing money in a distant land, 10000 miles away from home, still same questions lingering.
Who am i? Where did i come from? Where will i be going? Who co-ordinates this immaculate perfection in this world? What do we call life? Is there 'life' after death? Why do i always waiting for something? Waiting for school holidays, waiting for exams, waiting for my favourite uncle to come home? Waiting for village festival, waiting to start my college? Waiting to start my job? Waiting to earn enough? When my life will kick-start? Why am i not good at anything? I see so many of my friends being exceptionally good in studies or good in music or good in sports. Why am i being average in everything? They say everybody has a calling. What is my calling? What is the purpose of my existence?
When the student is ready, master appears. Where is my master? Am i not ready? What do i do to make myself 'ready'? Why is it being so hard for me? Why am i concerned about me all the time? Why am i not concerned about what others are thinking about me? Why am i not able to 'enjoy' like others in my age? Why am i not letting it go? Why am i not feeling at home in any place or why am i feeling home at all the places? What is success? am i successful? If not, when will i be successful?
I'm sure there are hundreds of people who are asking the same questions and there are hundreds of people who found answers. But what do you have to do find the answers? Who answers these questions?
But after 20 years of reading, my questions and confusions seemed to be escalating and i was not finding answers till few days back and i was startled by the obvious nature of it.........
